Delayed does not mean denied. So they say

There are times in a persons life where they need to be completely honest. Not just to other people but frankly to themselves. Well that time for myself is now. I'm so annoyed, frustrated, irritated, depressed and down right pissed off at this point in my life.
After moving to another school and just excited for the transition, another door shut in my face. To be told that you need a specific grade on the entance exam and you miss the mark but ten points is one thing. Then to be told to wait fourty five days to retake the exam. When the time comes to retake it....."The application is now closed until further notice."  So I did this for what???? To have another door shut in my face?
Okay fine so I'll wait, in the meantime I'll take the last classes I need. That way I can focus on my nursing classes when the time comes to apply in January 2017. "Oh well we forgot to mention to you that the credits you transferred over do not count towards your GPA so your going to have to wait until June of 2017."
What the hell did I do so wrong to be told not yet again????? Meanwhile my co-workers are moving up and becoming nurses while I'm still in a tech position. I have $45,000 in student loan debt and nothing to show for it but grey hairs and tear ducks that are about to stop working. I realized while doing my taxes that I make less money in my thirties then I did in my twenties.
The "friends" I had before are not in my life today. Some just decided to attach to their wives nipples and completely stop talking to their single friend all together. Others paint pictures of not being in a happy marriage around you but yet their still with their partner out of fear of some sort. Some are in complete love with their partners and spouses that they just don't have time for anything anymore. So where does this leave me? Oh yeah...right where it always is for me. Alone and abandoned.
Lets me honest with ourselves and just say it out loud: I'M NOT HAPPY!!!!!!!! I have no joy, no peace nothing. I'm officially taped out.
People around me are getting the very things I've been praying for for as long as I can remember. Am I happy for them? Yes however, how many weddings, baby showers, graduations do I have to attend until it's my turn?
Delayed does not mean denied they say...okay sure. I give up :-(


Anonymous said…
Read Job 42. Loss is real, when life fights you.. Fight back with the word. God is not failing at his promises. Stay focused on him and everything will be alright.

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