The pain of moving forward

Today is not a good day for me. Yes the Lord woke me up this morning I know but to be awake and feel the pain I do just sucks. I received my keys to my new place today and I began to move into it alone. This is beyond bull crap to me. I know the Lord loves me and he hears my cry but I don't feel him nor hear him at all today. So many people around me are experiencing happiness around them today from celebrating a birthday to a child being born to being in a new relationship and finding the love they deserved and here I am moving ALONE. I can be truly happy for my friends because I love and care for them dearly. Its just hard to see people getting exactly what you've been praying for.

I feel left in the dark like there's something I missed. I'm so emotional and stressed out that I'm physically sick to my stomach and on top of that, I cant sleep. Even if I could I wouldn't want to because I've been having dreams that I'm pregnant which is amusing since I'm single now. I'm just in a place of pain and non understanding. I don't like this season in my life and I just want to move forward......whatever that looks like.

Jesus help me!!!!!!!!!!