I finally hit "the bottom"

With the seasons changing in the Midwest, we have now reached the season singles dread. This beautiful season is the one and only cuffing season. The cuffing season is where some singles want to be in a relationship. Be with someone that they can spend time with, go on small trips with, have dinner by the fireside, and all that jazz. Well here's the funny thing about cuffing season. Some are so in a rush to find someone that they miss so many red flags before even being cuffed. For instance, he or she may be in a open relationship (surprise), or they may not be ready for the relationship title but want or expect the benefits that come with it, or they may not be emotionally ready for anything at all.


Unfortunately, you don't see that reality on social media. Only the look who I'm with or what they bought me or oh this is how he proposed. This season was a little different for me. I've been single for five years now and as I look back over the decade, I have to be honest with myself. While on the dating scene, I didn't make the best choices at all. Some had the outer package but on the inside lacked substance. While others had substance but was not clearly ready for something serious. Sometimes we choose based on where we are. Here I am not being stable and yet wanting stability.


Now here comes the bottom. 



Recently, everyone I'm close to has either gotten married, engaged, or now having a baby. On the outside looking in, people will assume it's jealously. However, that's far from the truth. Now I'm extremely happy for my friends, I want to and continue to celebrate their victories for I know mine is coming soon. But do I have the patience to wait for my season? The answer is no. For the first time ever, I'm alone. I'm not dating, meeting people, nor even giving anyone a chance. I've reached the stage of complete burnout. While some of this has to do with personal things such has career, health, and school. The other reason is simple, I'm tired of meeting people that are not for me in a companionship way. They have been my assignment instead. Now some of you would be happy having the assignment of helping people grow in the Lord and seeing God take them higher. However, for me this is a little stressful because it has been this way for years. I'm helping others prepare for the future and crying out to God when is it my turn. I realized that when your in a space of uncomfortability, you tend to go with what or in my case whom you know. With that is the appearance of comfort but last be honest, it's so not true. I was so desperate for connection that I even reached out to not only my ex, but my ex husband as well (sorry about that).


When I was rejected on both occasions, I cried and sat on the floor. This is when I knew that I've been doing everything and I mean everything in my own power. I have exhausted myself to where now I need to give it all and I mean all to God. This bottom on the physical hurts to the core, but I know that this is truly needed for me in order to move on. I realized that I've been holding onto my ex's for years. This holding on has lead me to become constipated and not being able to let the one God has for me in. Well it looks like it's time for a cleanse.






If you've been holding onto people that need to be let go of, now is the time. Know that it needs to happen in order for you to receive what God has for you.


Remember, you are not in this alone.

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