The struggle of comparison
Going through a divorce, most people can not say that they wish their previous spouse the best in life. In the very beginning I use to pray that God would allow him to suffer. Like Job in the bible but no double portion blessing from it. I simply did not want him to recover at all. I wanted him to sit in misery without anyone to get him out of this hole. But it did put me in a hole of pain, reminders, anger, and so much more. It was amazing how God used that time to teach me the power of forgiveness, grace, and healing. In the years to come, we became really good friends. We supported each others families, accomplishments, and so much more. I'm truly thankful that we both healed in such away that we could truly move on from each other.
I seen recently that he is doing good for himself. He took a huge leap of faith and is now living his dreams helping other people with their goals and inspiring others with his writing. Funny thing is, he use to always correct my grammar all the way down to my text messages. This was my way of being reminded of why we were no longer married. He always was a smart ass that people didn't see. He was smart about it for he only did it behind closed doors with me. It did work though I must say because now, I review almost everything including this blog before hitting submit.
Seeing where he is today did make me feel a little different I must say. I was so happy for him that I began to cry. These tears were happy tears of course but they were also jealousy tears. Here is his doing his thing now so accomplished and I'm still over here struggling to figure out with my purpose is. It's funny how comparison can get your mind to a place of self doubt. It almost makes you forget how far you have come on your own path. I stayed in this comparison mentality to the point where I forgot who I was. I had a moment of the should we have gotten the divorce in the first place space. Then I snapped back and took a good look in the mirror. I had to tell myself that I am one bad ass women that has a lot to offer anyone that comes my way. This women has succeeded in living on her own for several years now, completed her first degree, and is currently working on her second. I make the bomb candles I must say and I have this awesome blog. Comparison is such an awful thing to do to yourself. You must learn to stay in your lane and walk out the path that has been laid out for you. Here's to hitting the ground running!
I seen recently that he is doing good for himself. He took a huge leap of faith and is now living his dreams helping other people with their goals and inspiring others with his writing. Funny thing is, he use to always correct my grammar all the way down to my text messages. This was my way of being reminded of why we were no longer married. He always was a smart ass that people didn't see. He was smart about it for he only did it behind closed doors with me. It did work though I must say because now, I review almost everything including this blog before hitting submit.
Seeing where he is today did make me feel a little different I must say. I was so happy for him that I began to cry. These tears were happy tears of course but they were also jealousy tears. Here is his doing his thing now so accomplished and I'm still over here struggling to figure out with my purpose is. It's funny how comparison can get your mind to a place of self doubt. It almost makes you forget how far you have come on your own path. I stayed in this comparison mentality to the point where I forgot who I was. I had a moment of the should we have gotten the divorce in the first place space. Then I snapped back and took a good look in the mirror. I had to tell myself that I am one bad ass women that has a lot to offer anyone that comes my way. This women has succeeded in living on her own for several years now, completed her first degree, and is currently working on her second. I make the bomb candles I must say and I have this awesome blog. Comparison is such an awful thing to do to yourself. You must learn to stay in your lane and walk out the path that has been laid out for you. Here's to hitting the ground running!
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