Turning Point
There comes a point in someone's life, when you know it's time for a change. It could be on the basis of a relationship, friendship, career, and even family. In time, you will see and even feel when it's time for something new.
For years, anger took precedence over every action, thought, and deed when it came to relationships. The main goal was to make the next person suffer for what the last person did. The biggest issue with that choice, was the fact that this was done unknowingly on my behalf. You see, I was taught by so many to always have a backup plan. More than one option just in case one didn't work out. Now that's fine to have options with say a career or even school. However, in a relationship that's bound to cause an issue.
The one time I decided to not have an option or a backup plan for a relationship, I was hurt. This was a hurt that took years to get over. However, it was bigger than a broken heart. This hurt cut deep to the foundation of who I was. But like most people, I didn't give myself time to heal. Instead I covered up the pain, washed my face, and moved on. But when the next person came along, he was put through hell.
What happens when you fill a bag up with water but the bag has tiny holes in it? The water will start to leak out. And it won't just leak out in one area, it will leak any and everywhere you go. This form of leakage, is a representation of my anger. You see, because I didn't allow myself time to heal from my past weather it was a relationship, family issues, sexual trauma, and even disappointments, this caused a leak or a crack in my foundation.
The best thing I could have done for myself, was to take a step back and heal from it all. Unfortunately, it took sometime to realize that it was needed. During this time of reflecting, I noticed that the choice of anger and even having a back up plan was based on one emotion and one emotion alone which was fear. This emotion can appear to come across as strong, protective, petty, and even angry. However, it still the emotion of fear no matter how you choose to mask it. I've noticed that these actions were taught to me by my very foundation, my parents. For they were hurt by others weather it was family, friends, education system, and even the corporate sector. Because of this hurt, they protected themselves with fear by becoming angry with everyone that crossed their path. By being angry, this would allow them some sort of control to make sure no one hurts them again. I noticed that this protective shell of theirs would only hold strong for so long. But eventually this shell is going to crack.
You can be cautious and protective of your heart which is absolutely fine. The scriptures say to guard your heart at all times. But what it doesn't say is to guard it so tight to the point of suffocating yourself and others. I've learned to guard my heart and allow myself to give others a chance. Is this easy for me to do? Not so much however, you have to come to a place in your life when you realize that something's simply are not working anymore. This is my turning point in my life where that shell of fear and anger had to go. For not only was I hurting others around me, I was hurting myself. I tried really hard no to become my parents, but in actuality I did. I took on their pain of their past and put it on like a blanket to protect myself. When their pain wasn't my responsibility in the first place. I couldn't protect them nor heal them by doing this. I had to take a step back and release myself from the equation ( which means taking my hands off of it) and watch God move in to heal them. This process has not been easy by no means. But watching the small steps of healing and growth in them is beautiful.
You see, we can not be the carriers of someone's past nor pain. We are to simply be the change or new experience to their life. So I challenge you today and even this week, to look deep within yourself and find what and whom are you carrying that needs to be let go of? What needs to be your turning point for growth and healing? Write it or them down, and release it to God so he can give you the peace of freedom you need, and also you can watch him work to heal those around you and through you. Seek your foundation, find the cracks, and get them healed so you can end the cycle of pain, anger, and fear.
For years, anger took precedence over every action, thought, and deed when it came to relationships. The main goal was to make the next person suffer for what the last person did. The biggest issue with that choice, was the fact that this was done unknowingly on my behalf. You see, I was taught by so many to always have a backup plan. More than one option just in case one didn't work out. Now that's fine to have options with say a career or even school. However, in a relationship that's bound to cause an issue.
The one time I decided to not have an option or a backup plan for a relationship, I was hurt. This was a hurt that took years to get over. However, it was bigger than a broken heart. This hurt cut deep to the foundation of who I was. But like most people, I didn't give myself time to heal. Instead I covered up the pain, washed my face, and moved on. But when the next person came along, he was put through hell.
What happens when you fill a bag up with water but the bag has tiny holes in it? The water will start to leak out. And it won't just leak out in one area, it will leak any and everywhere you go. This form of leakage, is a representation of my anger. You see, because I didn't allow myself time to heal from my past weather it was a relationship, family issues, sexual trauma, and even disappointments, this caused a leak or a crack in my foundation.
The best thing I could have done for myself, was to take a step back and heal from it all. Unfortunately, it took sometime to realize that it was needed. During this time of reflecting, I noticed that the choice of anger and even having a back up plan was based on one emotion and one emotion alone which was fear. This emotion can appear to come across as strong, protective, petty, and even angry. However, it still the emotion of fear no matter how you choose to mask it. I've noticed that these actions were taught to me by my very foundation, my parents. For they were hurt by others weather it was family, friends, education system, and even the corporate sector. Because of this hurt, they protected themselves with fear by becoming angry with everyone that crossed their path. By being angry, this would allow them some sort of control to make sure no one hurts them again. I noticed that this protective shell of theirs would only hold strong for so long. But eventually this shell is going to crack.
You can be cautious and protective of your heart which is absolutely fine. The scriptures say to guard your heart at all times. But what it doesn't say is to guard it so tight to the point of suffocating yourself and others. I've learned to guard my heart and allow myself to give others a chance. Is this easy for me to do? Not so much however, you have to come to a place in your life when you realize that something's simply are not working anymore. This is my turning point in my life where that shell of fear and anger had to go. For not only was I hurting others around me, I was hurting myself. I tried really hard no to become my parents, but in actuality I did. I took on their pain of their past and put it on like a blanket to protect myself. When their pain wasn't my responsibility in the first place. I couldn't protect them nor heal them by doing this. I had to take a step back and release myself from the equation ( which means taking my hands off of it) and watch God move in to heal them. This process has not been easy by no means. But watching the small steps of healing and growth in them is beautiful.
You see, we can not be the carriers of someone's past nor pain. We are to simply be the change or new experience to their life. So I challenge you today and even this week, to look deep within yourself and find what and whom are you carrying that needs to be let go of? What needs to be your turning point for growth and healing? Write it or them down, and release it to God so he can give you the peace of freedom you need, and also you can watch him work to heal those around you and through you. Seek your foundation, find the cracks, and get them healed so you can end the cycle of pain, anger, and fear.
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