Friendship Bubble

Why do I think about you all the time? Why do I become fearful to tell you how I feel? Why do I become so frustrated or irritated when you don’t call me? Why does it take you so long to respond to a single message? When I think of you, all these emotions come up and its hard to control them. What is wrong with me? What have you done to me? Is it possible to have a deep connection with someone before even connecting? 

When I’m around others, all I think about is you. I know our plates our full but why can’t we make time for each other? Why can’t you make time for me? Why do I have to be placed in the friendship bubble when I know you see more than that in me? How do you expect me to act when I’m around you? My heart is clearly exposed to you, yet you don’t want it.

 What did she do to you to make you not want to love anyone again? How much pain did she cause to make you so fearful to try again? I’ve been through so much in my past however it doesn’t negate from the fact that life is different from the last person. I know what it’s like to be afraid of something new or something different, but you must at least try. 

In the meantime, I guess I’ll stay in the friendship bubble wondering how long I will stand any of this. How long will I allow myself to feel these things for a man whose walls are so far up I can’t even climb them. How long will I stay in this bubble until I finally pull the needle out of my pocket and bust out and simply……………walk away? 

Will you even notice that I'm gone?