Being Content In This Season
Since the big move last year, theses past six months have had its ups and downs. One minute I'm super excited that I have my own that I can control and take care of but then there's times when coming home alone bothers me to the core. So far in the these short months, I've seen some of my friends receive what they've been praying for, following down the path that the Lord instructed them to go on and seeing him opening up new doors for them. Now you can find yourself in a funk or pitty party because of this, or you can praise God knowing that your answers are on its way. No I may not have the husband I've been praying for nor the children yet, but I have an assignment in this season of my life and that is to finish school.
Last week was a milestone for me, I turned thirty. I cant deny and say that I was excited about it. I had all sorts of mixed emotions about it. From happiness to sadness to depression to down right fear. All I thought about was death and how I'm getting much closer to it. I know to some that sound crazy because its only thirty. However, in the lifestyle I grew up in, not many people make to see thirty or even thirty one. I was able to make it to thirty when my bother didn't make it to see twenty nine. I know he's in a better place and continues to watch over me and my family but sometimes I wish he was here to give me that big brother advice.
The one thing that can be a blessing and even a curse is that since I'm living on my own now, I have so much time to think. Sometimes I wish I could simply turn off my brain and live as care free as possible. It's like you have all this time in the world to reflect on the past and ask yourself how did you get here. I went from doing the love dare to living alone. From being a wife to being single. From having a job that paid more than you could ever dream to now having the salary in which you started out when you were twenty one. I tell you that the Lord has a way of bringing everything back to full circle to make you see that HE is in control of all things and that He knows the plans that he has for you (Jeremiah 29:11)
I just ask that during this season, God will help me to be content in where I am and to also remind me of where I was before I came to him. Its just like what some people say, I'm not where I want to be but I'm not where I use to be.
Last week was a milestone for me, I turned thirty. I cant deny and say that I was excited about it. I had all sorts of mixed emotions about it. From happiness to sadness to depression to down right fear. All I thought about was death and how I'm getting much closer to it. I know to some that sound crazy because its only thirty. However, in the lifestyle I grew up in, not many people make to see thirty or even thirty one. I was able to make it to thirty when my bother didn't make it to see twenty nine. I know he's in a better place and continues to watch over me and my family but sometimes I wish he was here to give me that big brother advice.
The one thing that can be a blessing and even a curse is that since I'm living on my own now, I have so much time to think. Sometimes I wish I could simply turn off my brain and live as care free as possible. It's like you have all this time in the world to reflect on the past and ask yourself how did you get here. I went from doing the love dare to living alone. From being a wife to being single. From having a job that paid more than you could ever dream to now having the salary in which you started out when you were twenty one. I tell you that the Lord has a way of bringing everything back to full circle to make you see that HE is in control of all things and that He knows the plans that he has for you (Jeremiah 29:11)
I just ask that during this season, God will help me to be content in where I am and to also remind me of where I was before I came to him. Its just like what some people say, I'm not where I want to be but I'm not where I use to be.
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