New Chapter

So much has happened since my last post. I am in the process of moving into my new home and I must say that trying to be excited is much harder than I thought. I thought that my last relationship was the one and marriage was going to happen this year. However, my plan did not work out the way I wanted to but on the other hand has my plans ever worked out on time? This past week I took a trip out of town to spend time with my sister but what happened during the trip I must say was not planned at all.

I scheduled an appointment to get my hair done by my stylist while living in that state in the past. Being in her salon after four years I must say brought back a lot of good moments but also painful ones. I remember the time where she voiced her concerned about my marriage to my ex husband and as a good wife I chose not to listen to her, instead I chose to cover my husband in prayer. To be honest sitting in her chair I honestly thought that my wounds from the past fully healed but boy was I so wrong. Before I left her salon, she ended up praying for me and I tell you that God used that women and prayed over somethings that Ive not fully spoken to her about. Mind you I have not seen nor talk to her in over four years so the fact that she was hitting issues on the head let me know that it was only God.

Later on that day, I seen my ex husband for a small meeting. As advised from my hair stylist, I put everything on the table and let him know how I truly felt. As a women it hurt to know that although you can say I was a good wife and the best thing that has ever happen to you and yet, you let me go. So many people put their mouths on me and told me over and over again that I did not fight hard enough for the marriage nor did I fight hard enough for him. The truth of the matter is I tried so hard and did everything I could possible do however, he no longer wanted to try. After I let it all out and put it on the table I became so emotional that even seeing him and knowing that he moved on made me hurt more. He has a girlfriend now that he says he loves and that was a smack in the face. But why couldn't he move on with his life? All because I wanted him to hurt the way he hurt me. I wanted him to suffer like Job with no blessing behind it. But that was all from my emotions and not from my heart. The truth is there is a love for him in my heart that will never go away. He in fact was my husband that I learned to love and care for despite not having the proper tools to do so. After talking to him I know and see that we both have grown in so many ways and the best part is that out faith has not wavered. We may have questioned God at times of the heartache but I never stop believing in the Lord and to me that is beautiful. My ex husband is in a better place in his life and I wish him nothing but the best.

So much more happened to me but I am not fully ready to discuss with the world. I would like to wait for the Lord to show up and show out. All I ask for is prayer during this time because I have never lived alone before and I do not wish to waste time doing nothing or doing so much that I forget that I have a home.

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